Me and my bros Jon, Joe, and Lee had been panning our act since June of last year. Planning may be too strong a word, but suffice to say that by October we knew we were going to air band (like air guitar with the full ensemble) Boston's More than a Feeling. This is arguably the greatest air banding songs ever, as proven by Turk's Cool Cats in Scrubs.
So for the past week we got in practices around several sports and a play to work on our stage presence and killer moves to said tasty song, and on Friday night it was time to show the world what we were made of- air.
Looking back, our contrived costumes were both a blessing and a curse. On one hand, Joe's inconceivably tight, borrowed-from-a-girl jeans got some major applause. On the other, juxtaposing 80's rock fashion onto a modern setting, and a library-themed one at that, meant that at best we looked like Napoleon Dynamite's older brother and at worst we looked like convicted sexual predators.
But when we got up on stage, and the lights turned on, I lost it. In a good way. The music was cranked and my fingers glided across the imaginary guitar slung in front of me. I duck walked, windmilled, and headbanged before the solo even began. The audience was into it, clapping and cheering as if we could actually play music. When the solo finally kicked in, I, if I may say, rocked the casbah. On the last high note I power slid a good couple feet to what to me was the loudest cheering all night. Plus, I could tell by the overall pitch of the cheer that the ladies were really digging my bushy sharpie moustache.
We finished to some fantastic applause and came of stage in a volley of chest bumps and high fives. We were both pumped an pleased to the point that we were looking for encore songs in case we won (we landed on "We Will Rock You.") I have rarely been so optimistic about winning anything. By the time they started announcing winners, we were in ready stance to book it towards the stage. In 3rd was "The Worst Music Video Ever," a parody of a Finnish music video from some decade no one wants to remember. I was actually in that one, but I don't wanna talk about it. My partner was my 60 year old Bible teacher.
2nd place went to a girls trio who sang "Tattoo," which, like I mentioned before, was filled with talent, so people were pretty shocked that it won anything. And finally, First place goes to...
The Junior Girls rendition of "Hoedown Throwdown" by Miley Cyrus.
I would be more bitter about this, being beat by someone who gained fame through the Disney Channel and all, except for the fact that my awesome math teacher was the lead lip synchist and did a fantastic job. Never knew she had it in her.
Anyways, we were pretty devastated. I couldn't be sure but I think I saw a tear come to our bassist's eye. After a few minutes of shock we decided that we would win on Saturday night, and rationalizing always helps things.
So on Saturday we assemble our costumes once more, plan another stage move or two, and eventually get up on stage one more time. This time Lee had talked with the guys doing lights so they got the light flashing and a spotlight going. Props to them for that, because if anything could've pumped me up more than I already was, it was flashy lights.
So, again, the winners were announced. In 3rd...More Than a Feeling by the Cool Cats. Well, okay. 3rd is decent. My brother's magic act came in 2nd, and he practiced way more than us, so I'm okay with that. 1st place, however, annoyed me. Not because it wasn't good- it was- but it was because they cheated. The Korean dorm's choreographed dance number blatantly ignored the rules of play.
There was no way that four teenaged dudes, even at our best, could compete with that. Just you wait 'til next year, adorable little Korean girl. Then you'll see. The Cool Cats never stop believin'.
-Will
"He smoked a big cigar and drove a Cadillac car, and said 'Boys, I think this band's outta sight.'"
