School-Approved Mud Wrestling

Now, as far as school sanctioned events at DA, I have pretty low expectations. Not to say they were through the roof anywhere else, or that I haven't enjoyed previous events, but it's usually not the event itself that is the primary fun factor. Tonight, however, had me surprised, to say the least.

Late last week, a large brown piece of paper, reading "Grimy Slimy Sludge Night," appeared on the school bulletin board. Against my baser instincts, I let a friend from school sign me up. I thought to myself "You know? I could use some more grimy and slimy sludge in my life." So tonight, at 7:30, I showed up with a white t-shirt, jeans, and no belt (bad idea) at DA and was soon pronounced member of team "Stinky." At least I wasn't on "Vile," right?

The first activity was my 2nd least favorite, dubbed the egg blow. As appealing as that name was, I was reluctant to participate, but decided to take the plunge. With the aid of a raw egg and a bendy white tube, the task was to blow the egg into the opposing person's face, while they try the same to you. Unfortunately, all the egg-blowing exercises I've been training with at home were to no avail, and I got half a raw egg in the back of my throat. I don't even like cooked eggs. But, with the promise of mud-wrestling, I rinsed, spat, and trudged on.

Next had to be my favorite game of the evening. The student senate had constructed a 10' by 20' patch of pure mud at the back of the soccer field, with a tire in the middle. I assure you, it was tempting to not jump in right then and there, but I got my chance. Playing tug of war with another team, we won the majority of the rounds and moved onto find-the-fish. A variation on that game where each person on both teams is assigned a number and a number is called, then each with the a number from each team runs in and gets something and brings it back over their line (why no, there is not a more eloquent way to say that,) except with a raw fish. About halfway through, the head came off, which lead to one of the more bizarre conversations I've heard in a long time. Since one team got the head and one team got the body, the argument was what piece was better. The brain, or the majority of the body? It's a judgment call, but I'll let you decide.

Then came the next batch of trials. First off, the Poo....something. Chute, trench, pool, kazoo, I forget, but it was basically a military crawl, under benches, through a crevasse of a the most appalling mixture of matter I've ever crawled through. I don't know any specifics (not that I asked,) but olives, spaghetti, milk, and vinegar were mentioned, and multiple diapers were visible- for effect, I suppose. The stench of it will haunt me until the end of my days, and the entire team had to crawl through the 15 foot long abomination- twice. Never thought I'd roll around in a mud pit to cleanse myself. After that was the slip and slide (no explanation needed,) an egg throw, and a shot of some gross cup of something, we played a banana game. Sitting and using our feet, each team member passed a slightly-peeled banana down the line with their feet, and the last person had to peel one side with their muddy feet, then peel the rest and eat half of it. I must say, my team did a great job, and the banana was surprisingly tasty.

The finale took place back at the mud pit, with a line for each team, a place to get mud, and a bucket at the end of each team's lane. We nearly filled ours, but fell short and came in 2nd out of 8 overall. Not bad, I'd say. Walking home, barefoot, and plastered with mud, though, had to be one of the nights plentiful highlights.

And this is after 5 minutes of hosing down. At least a minute and a half were devoted to being able to read the letters. Yes, this was originally a white shirt.

All in all, a pretty awesome night.


-Will



"That's the second biggest slingshot I've ever seen, but I guess it'll have to do."