I Found This Under My Bed...

...ran it though Google translator, and here's what I got. I don't think the little fella really gets calendars and dates yet, though.

-I found a piece of paper in the big one's closet, and took ones of those "pencils" the humans think I'm so interested in, so I thought I might record some of my life in a journal.

-The big one, Will, seems to be pretty cool. He was much more attentive during my initial days, but he's still pretty awesome, even though he thinks I like tummy rubs.

-Watched the boys play Guitar Hero World Tour for 3 hours, napped through most of it. There's just something about hearing "Livin' On a Prayer" belted, clicked, and smashed through at top volume that puts me to sleep.

-The small girl...Anna, I think, had some cult gathering of fellow small girls. They made this big light on the wall, and watched a movie, but that was the only time that they were anything near to quiet. I thought Anna was loud, but at least there's only one of her. She's pretty nice and I can run away from her if I want. Apparently, when multiple human girls get together, their accumulative sound level is increased exponentially. This was evident during most of the evening, and it was one of the times that I cherished the safety of Will's room.

-Will's mom keeps talking about someone being declawed, and it's stressing Will out nearly as much as it is me. I'm pretty sure they're talking about someone else, though, so no worries.

-I believe Will has some musical event at some point, because he keeps walking into the door repeating the same, strange things about Grinches and clovers. There's also some songs about them, which he unfortunately tests on me. The poor guy just isn't much of a tenor.

-I snuck the paper in the bathroom before Will shut me in here again. I just wanna get out there and jump on his face while he's sleeping. Who is he to deny me that right? I have, however, learned how to jump onto the shower edge, and I saw this other cat in a window across from it. He looks pretty classy, but he's not paying me much attention.

-Been feeling strange, and took the chance to define the term "explosive diarrhea." Walls, outside of the litter box, everywhere. But then I felt really bad that I made such a mess (in the middle of some phone call with a church known as "Emmanuel") and, after rubbing my paws in it and walking a round for a moment, went into the bathroom. There Will found me, partially covered in my own excrement, and had the bright idea to give me a bath (with the help of his mom, of course.) But, if I look at it from his angle, it was probably as unpleasant for him as it was for me, so no harm done.

-Anyways, now I'm napping, and have been for a long time. Will's really worried about me, so they're taking me to the vet tomorrow before headin' off to some game reserve. Sounds pretty cool, though I don't really remember what a vet is. I'll just play it by ear.


Until I find another piece of paper,
Jazz Danger Root Beer Martin



P.S.- I watched this moving picture about these people in an office, and there was a line that I found pretty funny, so I'm gonna throw it in the end here.

"This a dream that I have had since lunch, and I am not giving up on it now."
"