The Computers Know Everything

Today my e-mail gave me a very abrasive command: "Will, get in shape"

Of course, it was from Nintendo, about Wii Fit, but as you can imagine I was pretty taken aback. I don't like it when my technology tells me to do things. Especially things that imply me to exercise and eat healthier.

But after my initial reaction, I thought of some of my better emails from those signup newsletters. Sure, there's the annoying, weekly, iTunes new music Tuesdays emails, and the occasional iTunes reciept, and the monthly Wii and DS newsletters (also from Nintendo), but I remember one or two that I got from them that were awesome. One, for a Mystery Case Files game, came with a subject line "Top Secret Information regarding Phil." Sure, I didn't really care about Phil, but for a breif moment I felt like someone actually sent me something important to this unknown man's future, and possibly his massive fortune as well. The subject said so, right?

My favorite though, was right before the launch of Super Paper Mario, in which Bowser and Princess Peach get married (I know, it was weird.) The subject line said something like "You are invited to a royal occasion. Already good. I don't break out my red cummerbund nearly as often as I'd like to. After I clicked on it, though, I was greeted by Bowser and Peach's smiling faces (Peach was brainwashed), in full wedding get-up, atop two white pillars and the middle invited me to their wedding. It was still weird that the two were getting married, sure, but I'm telling you, if there had been a location, no matter what hemisphere, I would have seriously thought about going. Curse you again, expensive airline tickets!

So, the moral of the story is, computers are human, and if you hurt them they will insult your bodyweight.

-Will


"I will shoot you. And I know robot karate!"